feeling a bit disconnected

Next month marks my 13th year as an Orlando resident. I can’t believe it’s been that long since I got fed up with my life in Milwaukee and moved down here on a whim. But the last few months that I’ve been back since my gramma’s passing have been really strange to me. I don’t know if it’s just me coming off the whole duality of trying to have a life down here and still be up in Wisconsin for her, or what, but I just feel like I don’t really know Orlando anymore. Like I’m a new resident just getting used to things again.

I mean, I know my way around, but Orlando of 2008 is vastly different to me from even Orlando of 2005, when my world first started falling apart from all the family illnesses.Maybe part of it is that I feel like I’m starting over again. I don’t have those family ties anymore. I’ve had to get a part-time job to help pay the bills (Borders Outlet near Disney for anyone stalking me) on top of the writing and design stuff, so I’m learning to redistribute my time to allow for that. Plus Rhon now works at Disney, so there’s more carpooling involved, which ties up more time as we try to balance schedules.

There are new groups of people that I’ve become familiar with via Couchsurfing, Doterati and just blogging about Orlando that I would love to meet in real life, but again, time has been tight. And I’ve made some cool new buds like Chantal and Andre that I’d love to hang out with more.

I also miss all my old friends that I’ve lost contact with the last three years in dealing with the passings of mom, dad and gramma. I would hope they’d understand my absence from their lives, but I just don’t know where to begin in trying to reconnect. I suppose I could just start with “hi”, huh?

I’m torn between the me that I want to be and the me that’s trying to relearn to stay afloat without my family as a base. And I know we all have our crisis modes – esp. with the economy the way it is – but it still doesn’t stop me from occasionally feeling like I’m adrift with no boat.

Anyways, there’s no real point I was trying to make with this post other than if we’ve temporarily lost touch or I seem distant, please be patient while I try to figure out this new part of my life’s journey. And don’t forget you can always follow me online via Twitter or FriendFeed if I’m not posting here…or call if you have my number.

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About zengrrl

I'm Michelle Snow, the writer and creator of Zengrrl. I write about travel, entertainment, women's issues, health, body positivity, and more, both for this blog and freelance. I have also authored/co-authored four guidebooks on Orlando and Florida. If you aren't already following me, the links are below, as well as on the top right of this page. Thanks!