Almost three weeks ago, on May 4, I had intended to do my annual post of rememberence for my mother who passed away in 2005. Unfortunately, I ended up spending the days in complete sadness and tears for another reason.
After suddenly becoming ill the night before, my little furry child, Leeshka, passed away in my arms.
I know there are some people who think that dogs are just pets, but to me, she was the closest I’ll ever have to a child. She was a member of the family and very much loved by both myself and Rhonda. And while I know she was getting up there in age, her death happened so suddenly that even almost three weeks later, I still have problems processing that she’s gone.
Leeshka was a pound puppy. My mom said she saw her in the newspaper, in the weekly section where they posted a photo of a pet who needed to be adopted ASAP. My mom said she just knew from the photo that she had to adopt Leeska.
Leeshka was a loving companion until my mom passed away. Then she lived with my gramma until she passed away in 2007. And then she came to live with me.
How such a little baby could have so much love inside her, I’ll never know. But she was just a furry little ball of love. So full of kisses and snuggles. She even somehow knew when I was having a rough day because of my MS and would just lie there, every inch of her pressed up against me, letting me know she loved me.
I don’t know exactly how old she was, but she was getting up there in doggy years. Somewhere in her mid-teens. But I still thought we had a few more years before old age caught up to her. Alas it wasn’t meant to be. I was holding her when she suddenly seized up twice and then breathed out her last breath.
I think what has hit me is not only losing her, but being reminded one more time of my own mortality and failing health. In the last seven years, I’ve gone through so much death of loved ones that were close to me and I’ve personally been so sick lately that sometimes I wonder why I keep fighting. I mean, I’m not suicidal, but it seems like the harder I try to do the right thing, the worse things get. But all that anxiety and doubt will need to be addressed at a later post.
Right now, I will close this by saying how much I miss both my Leeshka and my mom. I hope that Leeshka knew how much she was loved while she was alive and there will never be another that will take her place in my heart. Rhonda and I have already talked and we’ve both decided that we don’t want to replace her.
I don’t think any other fur-child could.
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